Do I Really Need Boundaries?
I remember the first time my coach told me I needed to set better boundaries. I was beyond confused. What are boundaries? And why did I need them? How do I even go about establishing them? Frankly, the concept was foreign to me—I had never even heard of boundaries, let alone understood the significance of “setting” them.
Growing up in the deep south of Mississippi and with an incredibly rigid parenting style, boundaries didn’t exist for me, my siblings, or even the women in the family. My existence revolved around the mantra of “do as I say and don’t question it.” To hear someone I deeply respected share that I needed better boundaries was wildly confusing. Thankfully, he recommended a book (there’s always a book) – Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Cloud and Townsend. It changed my life and opened my eyes to all the ways I put myself last and everyone around me first. Unfortunately, I still found myself in burnout years later. A lesson I learned the hard way.
Setting Boundaries Is An Act of Self-Love
Today, I view my boundaries as an act of self-love that enables me to honor my needs, desires, and values. It is a way of acknowledging and valuing my own worth and well-being, creating healthy limits in relationships and interactions. They serve as my protective shield, preventing others from taking advantage of or disrespecting my personal space, time, and energy. Through learning to set my boundaries, I learned to embrace my sovereignty and affirm my right to live authentically and in alignment with my true and highest self.
Today, the art of saying “no” has become an integral part of my life. It means not overextending myself, not sacrificing my needs for the sake of others, and not compromising my values or beliefs. Uttering that two-letter word is not a rejection of others but rather my declaration of self-worth and self-care. It allows me to preserve my energy and maintain my emotional, mental, and physical well-being. I listen to my needs and take aligned action to honor them. It took me years to realize that boundaries and self-care are not selfish; they are an essential part of maintaining my balance and harmony. My boundaries empower me to show up fully and authentically in the world.
“I’ve learned the hard way that honoring my boundaries is the key to embracing my authentic self.
Bonnie hazen
When I prioritize my boundaries, I can wholeheartedly offer my best to the world and my loved ones.”
Honoring Boundaries With Integrity
Honoring boundaries with integrity is a way for me to stay true to myself and maintain consistency in setting and upholding those boundaries. It means not allowing others to cross or dismiss my boundaries and taking appropriate action when they are breached. It requires me to have clear communication, educate my environment, be devoid of guilt or apology, and express my needs and boundaries respectfully and compassionately.
Integrity also means being aware of my limits and having the courage to acknowledge and address them. It involves recognizing when a boundary needs adjustment or re-evaluation and having the bravery to make necessary changes. It necessitates honesty with myself and others, even when discomfort or challenges arise.
“Sometimes communicating my needs can be uncomfortable, and that’s ok. Growth lives in discomfort, and it is a necessary part of self-development.”
Bonnie Hazen
Respecting the boundaries of others is also essential. Just as I honor my own boundaries, I also respect the boundaries of those around me (just ask my family). I recognize that everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and live authentically. I refrain (mostly) from imposing my beliefs, expectations, or desires onto others (this is still an opportunity for my own self-development – unconscious bias is real). Instead, I listen with empathy and compassion, seeking to understand and honor their boundaries.
The Benefits of Honoring Boundaries
Honoring boundaries with love and integrity brings numerous benefits to my life and relationships. These are some of the key advantages I’ve experienced:
- Enhanced Self-Respect: By setting and upholding boundaries, I demonstrate self-respect and self-worth. I value myself and my well-being, fostering a positive sense of self-esteem and self-love.
- Improved Relationships: Honoring boundaries allows me to cultivate healthy and authentic relationships. It creates clear communication and mutual respect, fostering deeper connections based on trust, honesty, and integrity.
- Personal Growth and Development: Honoring boundaries requires self-awareness and self-reflection, leading to my own personal growth and development. It encourages me to examine my beliefs, values, and desires, aligning them with my actions and interactions in the world.
- Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Setting and maintaining boundaries can reduce stress and anxiety by creating a sense of safety and security. It allows me to manage my time, energy, and resources in a sustainable and balanced way, alleviating the pressures of daily life. Working Mom Life is REAL and I could not manage it without healthy boundaries.
- Empowerment and Confidence: Honoring boundaries fosters a sense of empowerment and confidence within me. It enables me to take ownership of my life and communicate my needs and desires confidently and respectfully. When I do, I can navigate life with grace and integrity.
Honoring boundaries with love and integrity is an essential part of my journey toward wholeness, harmony, and balance. It enables me to cultivate self-love, self-respect, and personal growth, creating authentic and fulfilling relationships. By setting healthy boundaries and upholding them with integrity, I live a life of empowerment, authenticity, and purpose.
Empowered Living: Self-Discovery Questions To Consider
Where in your life do you need to establish better boundaries?
How can you begin to honor your boundaries with love and integrity?
What steps will you take to cultivate the transformative power of setting healthy boundaries?
Photo by: Bonnie (Woodbridge Orford, England Homesteads)
With cosmic love,
Bonnie